A New Year: 2012

I have, over the past few days, read many thought provoking and inspirational things about 2012.  It is funny to me that on January 1, every year, people reflect and decide to 'begin anew'.  For me, this is almost a nightly conversation with myself.  "Tomorrow, I will endeavor to do better...to be better...to cook better...to mother better...to friend better...well, we all know I couldn't possibly wife better, as I totally rock at that..."

The thing is, I am really comfortable and happy being mediocre.  I mean, I have dreams just like the people whose goals for 2012 include 'see the taj mahal, go skydiving, lose 50lbs, read 300 books, become first in the annual Mensa competition, become CEO of my NYC office'.  I have a clear understanding of the phenomena that people who verbalize their goals are significantly more likely to reach them.

But I honestly find the quantification of my goals to be an exhausting exercise in failure.  I mean, if my goal is to read 300 books this year, then I cannot help but wonder what I am giving up to achieve such lofty aspirations.  Even the goal of losing XX pounds...what gatherings will I skip out on...what frivolity will be less enticing because I am focused on restriction?

Call me uninspired, lazy, listless...I suppose to list making, goal fulfilling types, I am.  Don't get me wrong...there are my nightly prayers and reflections upon self and growth, but to be honest, I am soooo o.k. letting life open like a blossom.

I know that I will read as many books as my time, comfort, and choices allow.

I know that some days my jeans will be a tad tight and I will feel like a slob-muffin all day...but I will also spend all day running away from that man--who thinks that jeans that are a bit tight say "chase me" across the rear.  Some days, however, my jeans will be loose, and I will feel...busy, because no matter how they feel, I am busy.

I know that this year I will see something that will make my heart stop.  Something will be so beautiful it will make me cry.  Something will break my heart.  I will laugh hysterically and might tinkle my pants a little.  I will get really, really angry.  I will fight an injustice.

I will let my mind reminisce to a time in the past filled with sweet memories, and I will panic at the quick passing of the current moments I hold so dear.  I will see their sweet little faces as they sleep...smell their sleep-sweet-smell...and my heart will be so full of love for them that for a moment...everything else will stop and the world will exist only because of that love.

I will win awards this year, and I will give awards...the kind my husband and I share between ourselves...and I will wonder if two people were ever as perfectly made for each other as we are...and then he will piss me off...and then, there will be more awards...

You, my darling friends are totally identifying with the things that I will do this year, because...wait...YOU will do them too!  You are realizing that my life is in no way special.  It is really no different than yours.

It is totally mediocre.

Yes, (smiling), it is!